Failure.

There has to be nothing worse than the feeling of failure. I guess I write on this subject because of my discovery today of how poorly I did on my accounting exam.

For the past few hours, I have been meditating on this failure of mine. And my conclusion is that failures are good (Don't worry, I am not going to write all this you-can-do-it crap to build myself up to feel better. In fact, I'll be doing the exact opposite).

I have this tendency to take the blessings the Lord has poured in my life and use them as justification for arrogance. For example, the Lord has blessed me with a somewhat of a strong mind. I never had to work too hard whilst growing up and, in all honestly, never really had to work that hard in college. I do not know how many countless all-nighters I have pulled in my life. But even despite all my last-minute studying, I have been able to do fairly well. As a result, I have found I have fashioned an idol in the image of myself. In Jesus' parable of the talents, I would have been none of the servants. Instead, I would have been the one to usurp the master and claim the home as my own. I would have been one of the Israelites demanding we make an idol for ourselves whilst Moses was on top of Mount Sinai. Instead of a golden calf, I would have demanded a golden Ray. How wonderful is it then, that God can instantly shatter these idols and bring us back to the nadir of our existence by simply allowing failures into our lives. Is it not funny and interesting that, when we are so absorbed in ourselves, how unimaginably catastrophic failure is. I am not even saying failures have to be even that great or significant. I mean how significant is this ONE exam? But yet, my not doing well on this exam has sure hurt my pride. And for someone who thinks he is so smart, evidence that seems to show the contrary can pop his inflated ego. I guess this applies to everyone who is not truly humble in Christ and I thank God humbling me.

Wretched.

There is one verse that I recite to myself every day of my life. The verse is, "O wretched man I am! Who shall deliver me from this body of death?". More than any verse, this verse daily rings in my head. When it does, I can guarantee you that it is coupled with a feeling of absolute disgust. I am disgusted by, of course, this sinful, wretched, and shameless person that I am. Paul is so right where he writes that our conscience bears witness to God as he, in his holiness, shames our sinfulness. I guess our consciences' role is not as a machine that spits out moral imperatives. Instead, I think our consciences serve as an indicator of our wretchedness.

I love Paul's next sentence. In verse 25, Paul writes, "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!". How wonderful it is that despite myself, I have been delivered from myself. How awesome is that my sins have been blotted out on the cross? Seriously, I think Christ is so glorious to me when I taste his forgiveness.

Anyways, just wanted to write because I have not been writing at all for the past couple months. Seriously, none of my classes right now require writing. And this thought was in my head. Cheers!

Back to it...

So Justin totally called me out on my complete lack of interest in blogging so I have decided to dive back into it.

All I have to say for now is that England will beat Slovenia tomorrow to get out of the group.

Goodnight.